The Exorcists and Noahs go to Candy Mountain
by Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin
Summary: Crack one-shot. The Noahs lure the Exorcists to Candy Mountain in hopes of killing them. However, it leads to a song sung by the Millennium Earl and a hospital visit.


Author's Note: I've been meaning to post this one-shot for a while now. Watching Charlie the Unicorn has helped me with this fic, since it's a parody of Charlie the Unicorn.

Disclaimer: D. Gray-man is owned by Katsura Hoshino and Charlie the Unicorn is owned by Jason Steele.

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It was a beautiful June night in Los Angeles as Miranda watched a basketball game that was on T.V. Just as the halftime show started, Krory and Kanda arrived at her house.

"Why the fuck am I in Yuki-Rin's latest fanfiction?" Kanda yelled.

"I'm sorry! She wanted it that way!" Miranda cried.

"Well, Miranda, do you have anything to drink?" Krory asked Miranda.

"Well, I have Coke, Pepsi -" Miranda anwsered before Daisya entered for an obligatory Daisya Barry appearance.

"Pepsi rules!" Daisya said.

"No, Coke's better!" Kanda yelled to his teammate. Just then, there was breaking news.

"Breaking news, Candy Mountain from Charlie the Unicorn has been spotted in the park! We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming," The news reported said on the T.V.

"Holy crap! We're going to Candy Mountain!" Daisya yelled.

"No we are not. We're going home," Kanda stated.

"Screw you, Kanda, we're going whether you like it or not!" Daisya said.

Outside, the Noahs were taking a walk, when they heard the news of Candy Mountain.

"Candy Mountain, huh? We should lure the Exorcists there to kill them," Tyki said to everyone else.

"We should go there for the candy," Skinn and Road both said.

"Skinn, Road, were you even listening to me? We're going to Candy Mountain to kill Exorcists!" Tyki pointed out.

"That works, too," Road said. From Lenalee's princess-themed bedroom in the Lee household...

"Lenalee, my dear sister, please go to Candy Mountain for me. I just overheard the Noah Family talking about going there," Komui instructed.

"Yes, brother. While i'm out, can you redecorate my bedroom?" Lenalee asked.

"NOOO! Lenalee, I thought this is what you wanted!" Komui cried.

"Yeah, but, that was when I was five," Lenalee anwsered.

Over at Starbucks, Allen and Lavi were watching Charlie the Unicorn on Lavi's laptop.

"Let me get this straight, this unicorn goes with his two unicorn buddies to a cave with candy and his gets his kidney taken?" Allen asked Lavi.

"Yep! And it's uber-hilarious!" Lavi anwsered as Lenalee entered the Starbucks.

"Allen, Lavi, Komui just gave us a mission," Lenalee told Allen and Lavi.

"This better be freaking important! Is the Order on fire?" Lavi asked Lenalee.

"No, Lavi... We're going to Candy Mountain!" Lenalee announced. Allen facepalmed.

"Yeah. That is SO important," Allen said to himself.

A few minutes later, Allen, Lavi, Lenalee, Kanda, Daisya, Miranda, and Krory arrived at Candy Mountain.

"We're here," Lenalee said.

"What did we come here for, again?" Daisya asked Lenalee.

"Well, we came here -" Lenalee said before someone cut her off.

"We came to kill you Exorcists!"

The Exorcists turned around and saw the Noahs and the Millennium Earl.

"It's the Earl! He lured us here with promises of candy!" Allen yelled.

"Just like a pedophile!" Lavi added.

"Hey, the promises of candy were my idea," Sheryl retorted. The Noahs then looked to Sheryl.

"Sheryl, since when have you become a child molestor?" Tyki asked his brother. Everyone else sweatdropped.

"Anyway, we would like an Exorcist to go inside the Candy Mountain cave," Tyki explained.

"We won't do it!" The Exorcists yelled.

"Then, I guess we're going to have to take drastic measures," Tyki said before the music started.

"_Oh, when youre down and looking for some cheering up_  
_Then, just head right on up to the candy mountain cave_  
_When you get inside you'll find yourself a cheery land_  
_Such a happy and joy filled and perky merry land_  
_They've got lollipops and gummidrops and candy things_  
_Oh, so many things that will brighten up your day_  
_It's impossible to wear a frown in candy town_  
_It's the mecca of love the candy cave_  
_They've got jellybeans and coconuts with little hats_  
_Candy rats, chocolate bats, its a wonderland of sweets_  
_Ride the candy train to town and hear the candy band_  
_Candy bells, its a treat, as they march across the land_  
_Cherry ribbons stream across the sky and to the ground_  
_Turn around, it astounds, its a dancing candy tree _  
_In the candy cave imagination runs so free_  
_So now, Allen, please will you go into the cave_?" The Millennium Earl sang.

"I won't do it!" Allen cried. Then, the Noahs pushed him in and sealed the entrance. The next thing Allen knew, was that he was waking up in a hospital, and Lenalee, Lavi, Kanda, Daisya, Miranda, Krory, Komui, and Bookman were surrounding his bedside.

"What happened?" Allen asked everyone.

"The Noahs beat you up inside the Candy Mountain cave and they stole your Legend of Zelda wallet. But, don't worry, we kicked their asses and got your wallet back," Lavi explained.

"That's good," Allen said.

"Oh, by the way, here's the bill," Bookman said as he handed the bill to Komui.

"Only $500 for Allen's hospital stay? That's dirt cheap!" Komui commented.

"You missed the comma, dumbass," Bookman told Komui, who took another look at the bill.

"$5,000 for Allen's hospital stay? That's insane!" Komui cried before he fainted.

"Well, alls well that ends well," Lavi commented as everyone began to laugh. The next day, when Allen was putting his clothes on to leave the hospital, he noticed an area where he mysteriously got stiches that he didn't have the previous day.

"Damnit! The Noahs took my freaking kidney!"

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Ending Note: Review so Allen can get his kidney back.


End file.
